Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Tinkerbell Hilton from the clinker: documenting my time in jail with Paris

HOUR: 5

In the criminal justice system, all defendants are innocent until proven guilty, either by confession, plea bargain, or trial by jury, unless you’re Paris Hilton. These are her stories. I guess I should write a caption that reads “Paw & Order", but I'm shivering right now. I don't have a faux mink like that bitch BitBit Spears. I'm Haaaaard!

If you don't know by now, I'm Tinkerbell Hilton. I'm a huge trendsetter, super cute and popular. I live large and in charge. I have a social lite who carries me around named Paris, or Valtrexx, as her doctor always says. She's my bitch. That's right! I said it...Paris is my bitch.

Just to warn you: my almost Machiavellian schemes have worked before, and they'll work again! I've had Paris go down on all fours, had her pop out a bunch of porns. I got skills. Now, I ate her judgment that said she was not supposed to drive for 90 days. Woof! Bet she didn't see that coming.

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